You Wouldn’t Know Lovely Boy (Story time-let’s get honest)

rain and lights

There was a guy. There always is. Beautiful unbeknownst to him, but don’t worry this isn’t some novel. I’ll leave it at that, because we all have someone (or have been/are that someone) who’s been in his shoes.

The Lovely Boy, was someone who was clearly only half-smiling, half-laughing, taped together and propped up only by his love for another girl. She was all he’d talk about, mention her a thousand times, she was the luckiest girl in the world. The point is, he had only eyes for her. Not a problem, I respect loyalty. He and his girl.

Happy in love, happy, happyhappyhappy. What harm could come from a damaged boy and his happy little love?

Hurray for me, nice one, I know how to pick em’.

Don’t we all?

(Lol)

A couple of years pass with classes together. I respect the distance but can’t help wanting to be closer. We talked sometimes but I watched enviously as he befriends everyone else around me. Emphasis on around me, because apparently my world’s a donut and I’m standing in it’s invisible empty centre. I say a few things he agrees with, I speak truth only he hears and admires. But it’s not enough. Invisible centre, remember?

(Lol)

So all I could do was listen on my isolated island, listen to the birds that flew by and whispered the occasional thing about my elusive and taken Lovely Boy. I only ever merited polite acknowledgement and easy banter. And then I see his face is changing. There’s a clouded emptiness in his eyes, there’s a distance as far as the sun and even then the light is altogether gone. An eclipse has taken place in his life, I hear this prop, this crutch wants nothing to do with him. So she let him fall and shatter himself bloody on the ground until all she left was an empty shell.

A dark galaxy, a glittering space eaten until only dark matter lived. I respect the distance again, after all I am no one to him, not close enough to comfort or hold him. He might’ve been as far as the sun but I was light years away now. He wouldn’t know how much it hurt me to see him like this. He wouldn’t know that his suffering did matter to someone.

“Let me in, too” that’s what we always think isn’t it? That’s what I wanted when I saw his crest fallen face. “She broke your heart, she killed you inside, but you’re still alive so don’t give up.”

But I didn’t say it…and then he vanished, deciding to give his life to the country and serve.

The horror that stirred in me was enough to tell me what I felt. I didn’t think it was this strong, I’d been supressing it for too long. And now he was training to kill or be killed. He thought he was done, he thought he had nothing left. I probably should’ve said something, could I have stopped him?

Something tells me I couldn’t have. She killed him inside, and I was nowhere near strong enough to pull him out of his dark universe.

Now this girl had destroyed him so utterly that he was forced to walk aimlessly and alone in a hurricane of unstoppable movement. Left behind, unwanted, misunderstood, useless. He wouldn’t know that I would’ve gladly held him tight, that I would’ve sat down with him and glued those shards and pieces the best way I could. Shared tea, watched TV, tell him he’s beautiful and he means something. He’s not dead, that his heart though broken only needs time to heal.

He wouldn’t know that he’d stolen a piece of my heart too, and I quietly endured if only so he would see what was right in front of him. If only to respect his loyalty to this destructive girl.

Now all I can do is pray

God light the way

Let him know love and peace one day.

After all, that’s all I can say.

 

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Ember

fire

Have you ever read something

And it just tears away your scabs and lets you bleed with fresh emotion?

Have you ever suddenly remembered that you cared so deeply, and think “when did I ever build this wall?”

What’s all the commotion?

What’s all this noise?

The sky is still falling, but I sit here with poise.

I became a rock, but my heart’s still soft.

Soft and wounded, housing a lot.

From fire rise the mighty, I’ll try to remember

But for now I’m smouldering, still birthing from the ember.

Marital Status

hand anatmy

 

Marital Status: It’s Chaotic

Mischief and grief

They find it hypnotic

Marital Status: Borderline Madness

Blowing up roof tops

Kids crying sadness

Marital Status: It’s Complicated

It’s not so simple

Problems outdated

Marital Status: What happens now?

I’m the kid in this

Don’t ask me how.

Marital Status: The Collapse of Rome

There’s no more peace

There’s no more home.

 

Shy High

shy guy

Ahh… curious cat

Come here, little shy-as-a-brat.

There’s something that you want to say

Ever whispered to yourself

Dark as Night. Clear as Day

You hide in pixelated, ironclad walls

Virtual, love lorne, fist like a ball

Don’t make me laugh at you’re quieted skull

You’ve got me enthralled

Shy, monster in love

Your eyes speak miles

Your words mean nothing

Denying your heart

Like a serpent, you’re bluffing

Just say what you mean

Don’t cower like that.

Saying one thing on cybernetics

While your voice is so dull.

Oh shy little brat

Curious bratty cat

I don’t stick around

For fun and games like that.

 

Of Diamonds and Teeth

CROWN

We the mighty

Indestructible

Like diamond breaks

Impossible

Souls is bared

Clear as the sea

Deep as the Earth

The power she breathes

Fair and just

Her grace extends

She sharpened her knives

Of compassion and mend

Be like the queen

Says me unto thee

With beauty and might

Of Diamond is she

That Kings and Queens exist in me

That royalty is in all of we

Not exclusively

We the dethroned

Hard as diamond are we

Once more onto thee

Great mystery I see

What lies beneath Earth

Is the heart of the world

A heart we rule, a kingdom our own.

Hive (Punching bag poem)

Author note: Much has been happening in my life. I’m sorry that most of my poetry has been dark and bleak as of late, but it helps me relieve myself of stress and hardship. I wrote this one with a lot of pain and anger, and I’m sorry if it only upsets you. In my words I hope you find some truth, or at least artistic value haha, since I think it doesn’t merit even that right now. Anyways, I just wanted to warn and apologize people before you read it.

-N

honey

The night is darkest within my eyes

A final collapsing enterprise

Misshapen city, sky enticed

To withhold my burning, seething cries

What am I now?

Knight in white

Night of light

A light like night

What is good

What is bad

One is not

Where the other can’t

Searching seas as vast as space

Collecting shards of ice and race

Splintered wood, burning hives

Human existence

Behold my eyes

Dark as I have ever seen

What’s wrong with us?

Why don’t we sleep?

We stay awake in vast expanse

Holding clocks with resonance

This is it, the searing crow

That sings it’s final kissing blow

Collapse oh Rome

That’s quite enough

There’s nothing now

No place, no home.

Why has this darkness creeped inside?

I see the darkness in everyone’s eyes!

Why must fear take it’s hold?

Why can’t we stand?

Distilled

Do what your told!

It’s getting so old

It’s got to stop!

That’s enough, of Rome!

Give us back our home!

We are bees, colonized slaves

Working only to play charades

Our hives

Our cries

Our eyes

Our lives

We steep inside the smouldering case

Smoke deprived sleep array

Busy, bursting, nuzzling, thirsting

Til’ flames ignite our alibis.

Facing Faces

tattoo guy

Next time you miss her

Consider that missile

Drowning her in WWIII

Her new name, Abysmal

Next time you miss him

Remember that Prison

Reflecting affection

In your twisted prism

Next time you miss them

Remember yourself

That horrible lecherous

Demon of wealth

Next time you miss them

Face yourself first

That devil inside

Must be unearthed

Next time you miss them

Face your own heart

That damage within

That pulls all your strings

Next time you miss them

Face your own truth

That hurt inside

That makes up your roots

Next time you miss them

Face your love first

And learn that your beast

Has a beauty that works

Next time you miss them

Make sure you face facts

You are who you are

But you can change that

Next time you face them

Show them your heart

You’re sorry, they’re hurting

And start  from the start

This time you face them

You face yourself too

Remember that monster

That lives inside you

Now facing each other

You see one another

The beauty and the beast

Lives in every heart beat

It’s about my solitude

What is that human feeling?

Why does it happen?

That sensation of joy, obliviously suppressing all the hardship, and all the loss

Until it hits you. You never feel it coming it just hits you, rock hard,in the head like a meteor.

You’re alone.

No lover

No friends in which you wish to confide.

No parents you want to worry.

No siblings who could understand.

You’re alone.

It’s a darkness that stirs like beast awoken

So many thoughts and words unspoken

They accumulate like vermin,

Inside your heart

And then it bursts open

And tears you apart.

I’m writing to you, anyone out there.

Be my friend, my someone, my strong holding hand

I need a shoulder

I need it so bad

I didn’t think I could Ever feel this sad.

I hate being human

I don’t understand

I hate this inside me

Thats cruel and unjust

Contradicting me in the blink of an eye,

crashing through all my joy

A tsunami of emotion, or emptiness

Me versus it

Me versus me

me versus the world

It all comes down to me

I’m alone.

*seductive wink* Hey followers ;)

I have a survey I need to complete for school on Gamification! For all you gamers, and tech lovers I’m sure you’ll get a kick out of it, and it should take no more than 2 minutes! Even for those who aren’t fond of games, I’m certain you’ll find it very insightful 😀

Whichever lucky contestant you may be, your help is invaluable and very appreciated! ^_^

The link is below, please help.

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/P6Z5896