There was a guy. There always is. Beautiful unbeknownst to him, but don’t worry this isn’t some novel. I’ll leave it at that, because we all have someone (or have been/are that someone) who’s been in his shoes.
The Lovely Boy, was someone who was clearly only half-smiling, half-laughing, taped together and propped up only by his love for another girl. She was all he’d talk about, mention her a thousand times, she was the luckiest girl in the world. The point is, he had only eyes for her. Not a problem, I respect loyalty. He and his girl.
Happy in love, happy, happyhappyhappy. What harm could come from a damaged boy and his happy little love?
Hurray for me, nice one, I know how to pick em’.
Don’t we all?
A couple of years pass with classes together. I respect the distance but can’t help wanting to be closer. We talked sometimes but I watched enviously as he befriends everyone else around me. Emphasis on around me, because apparently my world’s a donut and I’m standing in it’s invisible empty centre. I say a few things he agrees with, I speak truth only he hears and admires. But it’s not enough. Invisible centre, remember?
So all I could do was listen on my isolated island, listen to the birds that flew by and whispered the occasional thing about my elusive and taken Lovely Boy. I only ever merited polite acknowledgement and easy banter. And then I see his face is changing. There’s a clouded emptiness in his eyes, there’s a distance as far as the sun and even then the light is altogether gone. An eclipse has taken place in his life, I hear this prop, this crutch wants nothing to do with him. So she let him fall and shatter himself bloody on the ground until all she left was an empty shell.
A dark galaxy, a glittering space eaten until only dark matter lived. I respect the distance again, after all I am no one to him, not close enough to comfort or hold him. He might’ve been as far as the sun but I was light years away now. He wouldn’t know how much it hurt me to see him like this. He wouldn’t know that his suffering did matter to someone.
“Let me in, too” that’s what we always think isn’t it? That’s what I wanted when I saw his crest fallen face. “She broke your heart, she killed you inside, but you’re still alive so don’t give up.”
But I didn’t say it…and then he vanished, deciding to give his life to the country and serve.
The horror that stirred in me was enough to tell me what I felt. I didn’t think it was this strong, I’d been supressing it for too long. And now he was training to kill or be killed. He thought he was done, he thought he had nothing left. I probably should’ve said something, could I have stopped him?
Something tells me I couldn’t have. She killed him inside, and I was nowhere near strong enough to pull him out of his dark universe.
Now this girl had destroyed him so utterly that he was forced to walk aimlessly and alone in a hurricane of unstoppable movement. Left behind, unwanted, misunderstood, useless. He wouldn’t know that I would’ve gladly held him tight, that I would’ve sat down with him and glued those shards and pieces the best way I could. Shared tea, watched TV, tell him he’s beautiful and he means something. He’s not dead, that his heart though broken only needs time to heal.
He wouldn’t know that he’d stolen a piece of my heart too, and I quietly endured if only so he would see what was right in front of him. If only to respect his loyalty to this destructive girl.
Now all I can do is pray
God light the way
Let him know love and peace one day.
After all, that’s all I can say.